Man Raised By Wolves Not As Badass As Thought After All

 April 14, 2004

A Mexican man, Marco Pantaleon, who was orphaned at age 5, lived with wolves in the mountains of Puebla, Mexico for 18 years before he was found and brought back to human civilization. Having been in the ways of savage wolves, many people thought that he was going to be badass. "I really thought that he'd be vicious, like he'd tear apart anybody who stands in his way, but he's really just a timid and awkward fellow," said Pedro Morales who lives next door. "It's very interesting. If Marco was raised by wolves, he should be under the impression that he is a wolf," said Mind Expert, Psychologist, Dr. Miguel Perez. "You would think he's tough enough to be in gangs or would make trouble, at least--but no. Not quite the fearless wolf we know on paper", said Dr. Perez. His remaining living relative and uncle, George Duran, thought that the wild has molded his nephew into a ferocious warrior and wanted to put him into prize fighting. "I really thought we could make a bit of money off him, but the son of a bitch is a coward," said Duran. "One time, a drunk neighbor of ours tried to stir him up, provoked him and stuff, but the little bitch just ran and hid like a chicken. I bet he was raised by chickens," the unimpressed Duran vented. "I would have been okay to know if he could lay eggs--those we will sell on the Sunday market", he said. Marco has been going back to the mountains in an attempt to rejoin his pack to no avail. "My brothers don't recognize me anymore. I'm clean, clothed and styled, and with this designer cologne I'm wearing, I smell like human," the poor troubled soul told reporters.