Our Zodiac Signs are integrally pertinent to our personalities. They have predetermined how we think and act each day in our lives. As it is set in stone, you can not change it, you are what it is, and it's final—sorry. :( It is the universe's method of tracking its subjects and controlling them by assigning their fate each day—with marginal wiggle room—through the horoscopes; and that is why we have to check it steadfastly and daily on this page [Full Horoscope | Quick Horoscope]. Here are your personalities based on your Zodiac Signs:

ARIES — Whether you lead others to the promised land or the ditch, you lead. It is fair to say that you are stubborn and would scratch your groin in the face of others as if you hold a rewind button for life, thus, not even smelling your fingers thereafter will embarrass you. There is no discernible demarcation of time and place for picking your nose and teeth. Where you stand is where your natures come to pass. You are smart in your own right. In the eyes of others, it varies immensely, to say the least.

TAURUS — You love people and you are a fighter, and you are often witnessed in public firing both from the same barrel. In the olden days, you tend to steal pork and chickens to get by life. Today, you pride yourself on your involvement in smuggling operations and feeding the hungry. It is indeed admirable to see, especially when the hungry is someone other than yourself. You are beautiful inside and out. No one would know this if you're not overplaying it and by god, one can really milk a whale dry. Your sort of friendliness is very interesting. The results are acutely efficient in opposing ways.

GEMINI — Timid, reserved, and shy. Such qualities are NOT remotely relatable to you. When the froth blows the lid out of that pie hole, you know it's getting started, and hardly a thing can save humanity from the bitter wrath of your blabbering. You like to speak of the pigeon in the black hat when it's a heap of your turd. Yes, it's fresh and steamy, yet you never fail to power wash your bottom. Despite all the crap that transpires in your presence, your hygiene is impeccable. You are stellar in that regard. You don't fuss over perfection, nevertheless, stellar.

CANCER — Besides being responsible for the countless deaths around the world every day, there isn't much to pick on about you. You are a caring and nurturing individual, and that really shows whenever you scrub the smudge off the corner of the mouth of random strangers on trains and buses. When no one would catch a bullet for someone, there you are, always at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Call it compassion, call it sensitivity, you cry for the dust in the wind when they kiss your eyes. That is so beautiful.

LEO — You feed on the weak and fight for territory. That's quite a busy life in the eyes of the outsider looking in. It's therefore an absolute shock to know that you rest and sleep for up to 21 hours a day. Such employment of time management and work-life balance is near wizardry. Lucky are those who are graced by your presence in the roused state. May it be while you are licking your crotch, or as you roar into the open air, others must be informed of your active proximity. All shall come with respect, attention, and subservience. Nature has it that it all ends when the vigor of a rival has you banished, left for the vultures, or your head a trophy that hangs on the wall.

VIRGO — You are simple, charming, delightful, and lovely. It could stay this way if you did not have the urge to rise every morning. The fact that it is in your nature to do so, proves that no one is perfect. A reclusive or unconscious state of you does wonders that can not be replicated. Otherwise, you do aid the lives of many and shower them with happiness—just not as much. Moreover, it's enigmatic how nearly equally your presence and the complete void of it can invigorate a room. You are precious because you do not only make everyone appreciate what they are but what they are not.

LIBRA — You are nice and pleasant, and remarkably lazy. The librarian is ambivalent about you because she likes you for the suavity—the library is compelled to fancy members possessing such quality—but you never return those books in time(!). The fines don't seem to deter you whatsoever, so, should she be loving the charged fees or reprimand you for the proven delinquency? Keep you or ditch you? It is the ultimate question that has to be asked about you on the grounds of life in general, i.e., marriage, business, friendship, etc.

SCORPIO — You are the good kind, and the universe has had a shortage of you lately. You drive immigration programs because there's not enough of you, thus, must be summoned out from the muck with a carrot stick. Perhaps if your facial demeanors are not overly annoying and hideous, the universe would make more of you. Thankfully, you're the kind of itch that feels nice to scratch, and the idea of comfort tends to take precedence over all qualms about you.

SAGITARIUS — You run around naked after starting a bonfire and scream for freedom. And guess who owes the world an explanation on how anyone could lose a toe after paragliding? Yes, you could claim you hit the jackpot for the great personality, thus all the reason why you may live as a stray dog—figuratively, of course. Despite the warnings, you will be right about how the experience outweighs the punitive adversities. When everything is said and done, having gone to jail for pissing on a city post is a far more respectable story to tell to your grandchildren than having been promoted five times in an accounting firm.

CAPRICORN — If this were a contest of benevolence and decency, you can take your flowers and consider yourself unchallenged. And if anyone dares, you shall slap them in the face with charity and bludgeon them with the heart for service and dedication. They're going to have to make a show out of the second place or it's over. You may be meek, but you do have stern principles albeit sans pride. If there's ever a thing in life you're proud of, it is your humility—which no one should ever doubt, and for selfless reasons, should never even be talked about. In fact, such an idea of a contest must never exist as it is merely a promotion of one's self and will only be met with your bitter disapproval.

AQUARIUS — Whether you are rebelling without a cause, or storming the city hall to throw a fit, you always see to it that you keep a stone face at all times. That's no easy task considering you are destined for indictment by a grand jury despite breathing only the tranquil air of innocence. Seeking friendship is no ordeal to you—a trait enviable to many—as you have the charisma of one who robs the fat to endow daily bread to the famished. On the other hand, you like to think that you mind your own business despite proclaiming shutting the loud mouths of the world as your top advocacy.

PIECES — You get heckled for your folly and taken advantage of for your puppy-like submissiveness. Proposing to an esoteric Japanese cartoon character did not help your case before, and neither does asking for a goat's milk option in your tea at the bowling bar. Everybody could use someone like you for the gift of martyrdom in donkeywork, the very thing that your friendship offers. Despite the odious thought of it, you are a blessing to humanity and deserve to be clothed in the classiest of robes while dining on the finest china at a king's palace. None of which will be necessary of course, as you would be eating your salt water-soaked sausages straight out of the can.