Fart Gas Discovered As Alternative Fuel

 August 13, 1995

News in a flash—Russian engineer, Nicholai Oslov, successfully made fine alterations to a propane-fueled car so it could be powered by human fart gas. Oslov who was a big farter himself, admitted that the idea occurred to him after he wondered if his methane and hydrogen sulfide-rich farts can be put into good use rather than just steaming them out into open air. It would only take a 200-pound person to fart non-stop for 40 minutes to power an average size car for 8 kilometers—not bad for something that can be harnessed for free. Although not all farters are as gifted as Oslov, he remained positive that his invention can resolve the problem of high petroleum prices. Oslov now fears for his life in the belief that giant petroleum companies would want to protect their trillion-dollar industry and are now after his head.