Lavar Ball Believes He Thwarted Alien Invasion With His Mad Basketball Skills

 January 12, 2018

Truth be told, Lavar Ball, as he claims, would kill Michael Jordan on the hardcourt in his heydays. His sons, struggling Los Angeles Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball, former college player and China shoplifter LiAngelo Ball, and 16-year old home-schooled Lavar protege, LaMelo Ball, are the best basketball players in the history of the world. Lavar, on the other hand, is the best basketball player in the universe, averaging 2.2 pts, 2.3 rbs and 1.0 asst per game in his career. Needless to say, he is an infallible source of information especially, but not limited to, matters of basketball. In an interview on Thursday, Lavar told reporters that he strongly believes that he is the reason why extraterrestrial entities are unable to colonize our planet. "You think aliens don't want to take over Earth?" Lavar Ball rhetorically questioned. "I'm tellin' you, aliens are scared, man. They be like, hey, how do we take over Earth and sh*t if Lavar's down there? He's gonna kick our asses in Basketball," he stated. When asked why he believes in such thing, Lavar revealed that he recently watched the 1996 animated movie, Space Jam. "I was like, whoa, these little alien creatures want to challenge us in basketball and take over our planet. I'm sure these aliens are not dumb," Lavar said. "If they can travel different planets and sh*t, you know they done their study, man. They've heard of me, they know they're gonna get their asses kicked. They can't take this planet, not in my watch." As amazed reporters continue to engage Lavar, one reporter asked who he wants to play in his team and if he would ask Michael Jordan to play again if aliens do challenge us. Lavar could only scratch his right eyebrow as he scoffed the idea. "Look, he knows I get his ass beat on the court. He can sit this one out. I got my three sons, don't I?" Without being reminded that 4 can't make a basketball team, Lavar didn't hold back in providing more details. "I got me who will coach and play, Lonzo, LiAngelo, LaMelo, and Bugs Bunny. We gonna defend planet Earth."