Ultra-Competitive Little Squiggly Thing, Beat 1.3 Billion Others For The Prize Of Life

 July 24, 1996

News in a flash—Josh Lindbergh, now an under-achieving, sullen, listless high school sophomore, once defied the odds and managed to pull off what was virtually as insurmountable of a task as any in our living history. His father, Thomas Lindbergh, popped an absurd record-setting 1.3 billion sperm cells at his peak in coitus, profusely inundating Josh's mother's reproductive base and setting a winner-take-all frenzy for the prize of life. A multitude swarm of 1.3 billion swimmers raced, and the odds of a sole winner was 1 over 1.3 billion—an insane challenge by any standards that little Josh braved! Despite having no apparent accolades in every facet of post-natal life, Josh maintains bragging rights of what remains to be his greatest glory up to date and likely ever.