Ahhh... it's the stupendous realm of love and romance. It's the greatest natural high. It's when all of a sudden you've grown wings and off you fly to your castle in the clouds. That pretty little one with the cute smile who lives next door... Or the hot dreamy airhead who plays in a band... Wasn't it good while it lasted? Unless you're a happy-go-lucky brain-over-heart leech in a relationship, you must have been in love.

Love is intoxicating and it can only get worse for the young. The perils of eventual grief lurk around and a love-stricken dummy will soon succumb to its uncompromising jaws like a helpless prey. When you let your guard down, reality catches up to rip your heart into pieces. The pain is virtually insufferable. Nothing is worth living for and you want the world to stop, because quite understandably, things didn't go your way.

The first step to getting over someone is to cut your hair and strut that sucker. Take the advice of some commercially reputable women's piss magazine that profit off rehashing ancient news. After your social media friends buy your desperate cry for attention, get over the fact that everything in life is stupid and nothing is good enough. Yes, I'm on your side here so throw this dog a bone.

There are too many reasons why you amateurs get your hearts broken. A lot of help will be dished out here and if it doesn't cover your lame little mess, you'll still come out as the heartless rock you are always meant to be. Why would one be heartbroken? The first usual cause is... just plain silly nothing. All couples are stupid and have superficial expectations for each other. These are nothing more than fusses that only paint-sniffing sunshine-lickers can take seriously.

When expectations are not met, couples squabble and pride takes over like it always does, then they part ways as both sincerely play the tough victim role. By no means you should relate to it as matters of the heart but tell yourself that you're too good and perfect. You are unyielding, nonnegotiable and will change for no one. Load up on that pride and take it with you to the grave. The only thing worthy of effort is keeping that pride whole.

The next common cause of a failed relationship is some sort of hindrance. Parents, distance, religion and race to name a few. I can only hope that you are able to possess some form of pleasing attribute. Physical prowess, youth, humility, wits, astuteness, wealth, reputation, complete set of teeth, facial symmetry, normal chromosomes, anything! If you are unsure, take matters into your own hands and scheme up something that resembles any of these because it might just bail you out of the doldrums.

Guess what the good news is? There are well over 7 billion people on Earth, have you got a little time? Gallivant what your momma gave you and find someone that your parents will approve, or would pass the background check, or would accept the dead twin sister attached to your back. There's gotta be a weirdo out there for you who's not a serial killer.

The next one is exceptionally common but heart-wrecking. If the seemingly innocent bastard has cheated on you, please, just please, don't kill yourself. Killing the other person would make so much more sense. It's a crime of passion so you'll do less time than the conventional manslaughter. I don't imply that I'm a law expert but I'm certainly an expert in evolving the world to a place of my liking. It will be what I say it will be, because the kind of belief I have moves mountains, let alone a common case of constipation. If violence is not your thing, this is where the cold shoulder of a distant friend and lots of alcohol will mend the broken. Pour generously because despite the adage that time heals, alcohol makes it all possible.

After all the tears, hatred, desperation and drama, you should now be on your senses to pick up the pieces and tell the world to suck it. To truly get over your ex means to be oblivious of the experience. It's certainly not as hard as it sounds. You just need to dig deep in your inner lazy self and employ the apathy and insensitivity that you have always embodied since you were born. When you find it and I know you will find it, your world after the break up is restoredóand all you had to do is be yourself. Your egocentric, demented, rough-around-the-edges, self.