To quit your job, write a resignation letter stating the reason of your resignation, the effectivity date (usually at least 2 weeks ahead), thank the arrogant prick you're running away from, and of course, the company for the opportunity. We could end this thing right here, right now, but we're not going to do that, are we? I shall continue to blabber away with these cute little square buttons that's got them alphabet and stuff.

I could write resignation letters for a living if there's such a thing. I have personally written more resignation letters than some countries have written laws. I have quit all the jobs I've had except the current, it's a healthy working environment at the moment, people here are timid and I get to verbally assault anyone without having to worry the consequences. It is not to brag but I have excellent relationships with 8% of the companies that I have resigned from. I could still step in to their premises and see each one of their employees eye to eye.

Writing resignation letters is very satisfying. It currently ranks 356th on my list of "Satisfying Things to Do". It's simply that satisfying. It’s either the brimming joy from the relief of the impending riddance, or the thrill of coming up with the fake reason for leaving. It could be both but I have to admit, I dig the latter for the kicks.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with stepping in to the prick's office and dumping the letter right up his face. You may or may not say something concise such as, "I'm leaving", or "You didn't see this coming, but good luck finding your new butt licker". You may also step out quietly and let him find out what he's in for when he opens that well-crafted one-paragrapher. I have never resorted to such methods though. I like to give them heads-up a day or two before handing in the letter.

I would usually do this late second half of the day so I get to slack off otherwise hard earned remaining hours. It will all be spent explaining the circumstances, answering questions and telling stretched-out stories that may very well last until the end of the shift. That's only if you have done your part pretending to be the company's work horse. It's one thing to work hard and be impressive but not giving an ounce of crap and kiss ass your way to every single payday take real skills. I don't even know what the short-skirted lady I speak with the first 3 hours of the day does. What I do know is she staples papers only to unstaple them the next day.

Unless you AWOL the hell out, this subject is predominantly about writing that resignation letter. Instead of writing 5 chapters of rhetorical non-sense, the old fashioned but always reliable template will get that ball shot point-blank range. Feel free to fill in the boxes with your specifics.

Dear [Tormentor],

It has been rewarding to render service for [company] the last [years/months]. Although the journey has truly been [dismal/ forgettable/ etc.], I have recently been [offered another job/ diagnosed of cancer/ some good made up reason] which after much contemplation, has led me to this bitter-sweet decision. I have decided to relinquish my post as [your insignificant but dreaded role] and pursue [the reason for resignation, which is likely to be your next biggest regret]. I render this resignation effective [date]. I wish [company] the best of luck and thank you for the opportunity and [awful memories/ permanent scars/ shredded self-esteem/ etc.] that I will always [have nightly tremors with/ deride myself for being such an under achiever/ etc.].

Sincerely,

[Valued Employee]